The Zeroeth Law of Tito: The more that Feingold plays Scholars' Bowl, the lower his average ratio becomes.
The First Law of Tito: Tito cannot get any mack when he is conciously trying.
The Second Law of Tito: Tito cannot play any girl who has been killed in a Tito Love Story.
The Third Law of Tito: Girls suck at multiplayer shooter games.
The Fourth Law of Tito: Tito will never beat Neel at Scholars' Bowl.
The Fifth Law of Tito: Girls travel in packs.
The Sixth Law of Tito: One's computer will always mess up somehow when it is most necessary to have it operating correctly.
The Seventh Law of Tito: Until Tito loses his virginity, team play cannot happen at Scholars' Bowl practice.
The Eighth Law of Tito: Lymphoma will never beat anyone at Scholars' Bowl. Anyone includes dead animals, vegetables, or inanimate objects.
The Ninth Law of Tito: Glasses that are neither completely full or completely empty do not exist.
The Tenth Law of Tito: It's only rude to hit people you don't know.

Zeroeth Law: Derived by Tito before a Scholars' Bowl practice.
First Law: Derived by Tito during an AIM conversation with Julia.
Second Law: Derived by Cameron during school one day.
Third Law: Derived by Cameron during Michael S.'s party.
Fourth Law: Derived by Feingold and submitted via AIM.
Fifth Law: Derived by Cameron during Michael G.'s real birthday party (not the fake one the weekend before).
Sixth Law: Derived by Tito during any major project of his public education career. Specifically decided on during his history paper.
Seventh Law: Derived by Tito before a Scholars' Bowl practice.
Eighth Law: Derived by Feingold and submitted via AIM.
Ninth Law: Derived by Tito at Wal-mart (see "The Glass Question").
Tenth Law: Derived by Kristina during indoor drumline practice.