Tito reads. A LOT. Here he'll tell you which books stank and which books were totally sweet (sweet like ninjas, yeah, that sweet). Tito loves reading almost as much as he loves lasagna. Tito will rate the books from 1-5 (1: wow, this is horrible, 5: almost as sweet as ninjas)

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Author: Douglas Adams
Description: A mild-mannered, British amateur radio man named Arthur Dent wakes up one morning to find that his house is going to be bulldozed to create a new bypass. After lying in front of bulldozers and complaining with civil servant Mr. Prosser, Arthur's friend Ford Prefect comes and escorts him to the Horse and Groom Bar, where he (Ford) announces that the world will be ending in a few minutes. Incredibly, Ford was telling the truth, and Vogons in huge, ugly, yellow spaceships come and blow the Earth into smithereens. Luckily for Arthur, Ford was really an alien from Beletgeuse, not Guildford, England, so they both hitched a ride. Thus begins the greatest, funniest book ever. Arthur, Ford, Zaphod Beeblebrox (ex-President of the Galaxy, two-headed con-man), Trillian (the character formerly known as Tricia McMillan), and Marvin (the Paranoid Android) rampage through the Galaxy in search of the Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything. Yes, they find it, but you'll have to read it to find out what it is.
Tito's rating: 5/5. Yeah. It's that funny.

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Author: Douglas Adams
Description: Arthur and Friends return for a second round of fun, zany action. After escaping Magrathea, Arthur and the gang end up in the shack of the ruler of the Universe. Afterwards, they get a bite to eat at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe, or Milliways, where they watch the Universe explode and eat steaks from a cow they just talked to moments ago. After this, they take a trip in a doomed stunt spaceship and teleport out to various points of the Universe. A hidden secret about Earth's past is revealed at the end, but you'll have to read it to find out what it is!
Tito's rating: 5/5. Adams returns with a sequel just as good as the first.

Life, the Universe, and Everything
Author: Douglas Adams
Description: Arthur and Ford, after spending some time on prehistoric Earth, grab onto a sofa and get transported into the middle of the Lord's Cricket Ground in the middle of the championship title in England, a few days before the Earth will be, has been, or is destroyed. Slartibartfast shows up again and makes a big ruckus about the Campaign for Real Time and other cosmically important causes. Everyone gets back together and fights the Krikkit Robots to stop the destruction of the entire Universe. You'll have to read it to see if they succeed.
Tito's rating: 5/5. Is it fair for one writer to get three books with a perfect score?

So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
Author: Douglas Adams
Description: Arthur settles down on Earth again, or what looks strangely like the Earth, which is supposed to be destroyed. Arthur starts enjoying life again, and suddenly all sorts of insane things start happening, such as having a love affair with a girl named Fenchurch, meeting a man who has made an asylum for the entire Universe, and riding in spaceships with giant robots who say, "Take me to your lizard." God's Final Message to Creation is also included for your convenience (or inconvenience, however you interpret it) in big, bold, flaming letters. Be sure to read this one to find out what happens to our favorite friend Marvin!
Tito's rating: 4/5. It's a "Guide" book, but didn't live up to the other three. Maybe if Adams had avoided the love scenes, it would have been better.

Mostly Harmless
Author: Douglas Adams
Description: Yes, the "trilogy" continues with the fifth book in the Guide series. Arthur has lost Fenchurch, who disappeared on a hyperspace flight because she was born in the Plural zones, and Arthur goes nuts. He takes some time off looking for Earth, which turns up to normally occupy the same coordinates in space, but unfortunately not the same coordinates in probability. Arthur eventually winds up shipwrecked on a Bob-fearing planet, where he serves as Sandwich Maker. Life seems peachy keen until Arthur gets a visit from Trillian, and his daughter Random whom he didn't know he had. Catch the final adventure in the Guide series!
Tito's rating: 4/5. That's stretching it, but this one was pretty funny too.

1984
Author: George Orwell (Eric Blair)
Description: The story is about Winston Smith, a worker for the Outer Party. Smith works in the Ministry of Truth, which actually tells lies all the time by changing history whenever the Party wants it changed. Smith is slightly discontented with the system, which includes telescreens that watch you all the time, even when you're asleep. Anyone who opposes the Party in Oceania is taken from their homes and never seen again. Winston eventually meets some girl who takes him out to the woods, since only Party-approved marriages are legal grounds for sexual actions, and even then they are only supposed to be viewed as a means for producing children. Winston and his new "girlfriend" meet up with an Inner Party member, O'Brien, who claims to be part of the rebellion group called "The Brotherhood." You'll have to read the book to see what happens at the end, but I assure you it is a very unexpected ending.
Tito's rating: 5/5. "Big Brother is watching you."

Anthem
Author: Ayn Rand
Description: Equality 7-2521, or Prometheus, as he later names himself, lives in a society that has forgotten the word "I", and as such he refers to himself as "we," and other people as "they." Prometheus is a Street Sweeper who is, illegally, an individual. One day, Prometheus and his friend find a passage to a tunnel from the Unmentionable Times, before the war that brought society to its current state. Down in the tunnel, Prometheus works with metal and materials and discovers electricity. During his studies, he meets the Golden One, a woman whom he sees working in the fields. They break the law by preferring each other over others. The authorities find him skipping the theatre, and he refuses to reveal his secret. After a beating at the jail, Prometheus simply walks out, since there are no guards to prevent him doing so. At the next World Council of Scholars, Prometheus walks in and presents his invention. However, the Scholars reject it, for only by unanimous approval is anything accepted in Prometheus's world. Prometheus jumps out of a window with his invention and runs into the Uncharted Forest to avoid being tackled by the Scholars. The ending is very uplifting, but you'll have to read the book to find out what happens!
Tito's rating: 5/5. I especially love the part where Prometheus jumps out of the glass window.

The Scarlet Letter
Author: Nathaniel Hawthorne
Description: Hester Prine, a young Puritan Bostonian, has been accused of adultery and has been sentenced to wear a scarlet A on her chest. Hester's husband, Roger Chillingworth, was captured by Indians, but has finally made it to Boston when he learns of her disgrace. Chillingworth, vows to find out who the father of Hester's new daughter Pearl is. Hester's partner is Mr. Dimmesdale, the town pastor. Eventually, Dimmesdale becomes sick and Chillingworth becomes his personal physician, even boarding with him. Chillingworth constantly interrogates Dimmesdale, hoping to find out what his secret sin is. One day, while Dimmesdale is sleeping, Chillingworth opens his shirt and finds a self-engraved A on Dimmesdale's chest; Chillingworth then knows that Dimmesdale is Pearl's father. Hester and Dimmesdale meet in the forest one day and decide to run away together, after she tells him that Chillingworth is her husband. They plan to take a Spanish ship to Bristol, but during Election Day Hester discovers that Chillingworth will be on the same trip. Eventually, Dimmesdale cannot bear to keep his sin secret and declares his adultery in broad daylight on the scaffolding. He then dies of shame. Hester and Pearl wait around for a year until Chillingworth dies, then move away.
Tito's rating: 1/5. Believe me, reading the book is ten times worse than that summary. This is probably the worst book I've ever read.

Ender's Game
Author: Orson Scott Card
Description: Andrew Wiggin, more commonly known as Ender, is a six-year old in the near future. Ender is a Third in his family, a name given to children born after the family's population limit of two kids. Aliens, called buggers, have now attacked Earth from space twice, and the Earth's world leaders have formed a Battle School to train the brightest and best military thinkers; only these thinkers are children. Ender, who is tortured by his brother Peter and loved by his sister Valentine, is one day called to come to the school. The majority of the book deals with Ender's struggles through the very harsh Battle School and with his mastery of the battleroom game that the school is built around. Eventually, Ender is graduated to Command School after killing a boy in a fight. For the ending to this masterpiece, you'll have to read it yourself.
Tito's rating: 5/5. I had a hard time putting this one down.

Bogan says the normal book reviews are too nerdy. So I'm starting this section for people who have short attention spans.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
People in space. 42.
5/5.

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Food. Ruler of the Universe.
5/5.

Life, the Universe, and Everything
Krikkits. Destruction of Universe.
5/5.

So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
Romance. Big robots.
4/5.

Mostly Harmless
Parallel dimensions. Probability.
4/5.

1984
"Big Brother is watching you."
5/5.

Anthem
The indivisible We.
5/5.

The Scarlet Letter
A bunch of boring Puritan stuff.
1/5.

Ender's Game
Little kids beating each other up.
5/5.