4/30/07, the university library: Consider the following situation. A second grader calls another kid "an ugly stupidhead". The attacked party retorts, "I know you are, but what am I?" How does this even make sense? The first party wasn't calling him or herself an ugly stupidhead, so why even say that? And doesn't the end of the question just open up the retorting party to more criticism? "Takes one to know one" is even worse. That "comeback" admits defeat and actually joins the first party in the battle of insults.
I guess I should offer some alternative comebacks instead of just complaining about the bad ones. "You are the exception to No Child Left Behind" would be sophisticated and witty, but it is kind of a mouthful, and most second graders probably wouldn't get it. The most airtight childhood comeback is probably, "No, you are!" The only way to combat this statement is to repeat it, which looks foolish.
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