The only known photograph of the Michi Bubs Thug. The X on his hand means "hXc" ("hardcore" for the street illiterate).
At 2:30 PM on the Monday of spring break, most of Auburn's undergraduate students were busy developing skin cancer and buying personalized spray-painted T-shirts on the Gulf Coast. I, on the other hand, was waiting in the check-in line at Nashville International Airport. The group of travelers in front of me had a funny accent, so I asked them from whence they originated. "New Zealand, mate," replied the man in front of me. They were a group of business travelers, touring various semi-truck shows and exhibitions around the United States. Apparently shipping is a big deal in New Zealand. Next, I went to security. When I walked through the metal detector, the TSA official on the other side noticed the shirt I was wearing. "Flying back to Holland?" he asked. "No," I told him, "I'm flying to Detroit." "Eh, same thing," he said. Not bad for a TSA official.
My flight was delayed for about an hour. The plane had to undergo an extra inspection before we left the gate. We were about to taxi onto the runway when the crew discovered that the plane was one-hundred pounds overweight. We'd have to go back and kick someone off, they said. But by the time we returned to the gate, they decided we were OK after all. I guess we burned off enough pounds from stress in that short amount of time. The woman next to me and I had a good conversation during the flight. Her name was Jane. She had just concluded a visit with her boyfriend, who lives near Nashville. Her husband died last October and she said they had been married for over forty years, so I'm assuming she was at least sixty. She is a hairdresser in Ann Arbor near the University of Michigan.
Around 7 PM that night, I arrived at the Detroit airport and met my lovely and wonderful girlfriend Laura in the baggage claim area. We picked up my suitcase and drove a little down the highway before stopping at a Subway for dinner. I don't think I had fully transitioned into spring break mode until this point. When we finally got to campus, Laura's roommates Amber and Marissa greeted me with a sign which read "Welcome 'Michi Bubs Thug'", which apparently is my Michigander nickname. After that, we went to this big rock at Michigan State that anyone can paint for any reason. Laura and her friends were going to spray paint it for their friend's birthday. Unfortunately, some Greek folks were staking the place out. We talked to a fratman and his associates for a little while, then illegally spray painted the side of a nearby bridge.
Tuesday morning, I went to Laura's mammals class, which was surprisingly interesting. The professor was covering the canine and feline orders. Did you know that hyenas are actually more closely related to cats than to dogs? I was pretty surprised myself. When I wasn't paying attention to the lecture, I did the sudoku puzzle in the campus news or watched Laura dominate the crossword puzzle. That night, we went to Carraba's for Laura's friend Sarah's birthday dinner. Unfortunately, I left my nice clothes at Jason's, Laura's friend who housed me for the week. I walked ten minutes, climbed two flights of stairs, and turned the knob of Jason's apartment door before I discovered that it was locked. Frustrated, I walked back to find Jason hanging out with his fiancé Margaret, who lived in Laura's apartment complex. He gave me his keys, and after downing some PB&Js, I made the trek again. It was a little warm that day, so I took a shower after I got back to Laura's place.
I was too cool to be allowed to attend any of Laura's classes on Wednesday, so I spent most of the morning hanging around Jason's and Laura's places. I managed to clean out my school emailbox, which was at full capacity. I'm now using only 36% of my allotted space. I walked to the library around noon and had lunch with Laura between two of her classes. Then, we went to the museum and looked at all kinds of animals. They even had a T. Rex skull! When we looked at the elephants, Laura informed me that really old elephants wear out their teeth and starve to death. Isn't that sad? When Laura left for her next class, I decided against going back to the library to complete an assignment due the Tuesday after spring break. I think Will would be proud. Instead, I sat around Laura's place and watched the first season of Curb Your Enthusiasm, which Ryan graciously loaned to me before the break.
Thursday I attended Laura's mammals lecture again. This time the professor talked about mammalian weaponry, which was pretty stinking awesome. I was particularly fascinated by the narwhal, a whale with a ten-foot tooth that looks like a unicorn horn. Most researchers, after observing marks and bits of tooth on old narwhal skins, have concluded that the whales spar with these teeth. However, some believe that the whales use their teeth to skewer prey. As Laura's professor humorously noted, this would be kind of useless, since they would have no way of getting the prey off of the tooth.
Laura had a lab and an exam that afternoon. During that time, I hung out with Emma, a girl I met the previous summer at a summer training program in Vermont. She and I went to the Pita Pit, where she treated me to lunch (she had a buy-one-get-one-free coupon). We had a nice time catching up on each other's lives. After lunch, I met Laura at MSU's art museum. There were a lot of cool things, but a lot of really weird abstract stuff too. One exhibit contained the work of this one woman at MSU who paints still life with just rocks. They were surprisingly good. That night, Laura and I went to Jason's for dinner with him and Margaret. They made spaghetti, which her roommate had actually made on Wednesday night.
Friday, Laura and I drove to South Bend, Indiana, which is about two and a half hours away from Michigan State. We got sufficiently lost, thanks to MapQuest. Rand McNally came to our rescue, and we finally arrived at the Potawatomi Zoo. They had most of the animals you'd expect to find in a zoo, like lions, monkeys, and snakes. The emus were missing, as were the giant tortoises. Luckily, the giant metal tortoise was there. Laura and I both rode it for the full eight seconds. I think we're going to start touring the tortoise rodeo circuit this summer.
One of the zoo's chimpanzees, Sammy, is apparently a very talented artist. A few of his paintings were on display in the indoor part of the zoo. I told Laura they should be in MSU's art museum; they'd fit with all the other nonsense. Too bad Sammy doesn't get paid for his work.
After passing a ridiculously huge high school on the way out of the zoo, we made our way towards the University of Notre Dame. We grabbed a bite to eat first. We initially stopped at what appeared to be a deli but was actually a grocery store. The car next to us had a license plate which read "LITURGY", which I thought was pretty weird.
We found a Burger King, then entered Notre Dame. They have a cemetery on campus, just like the University of Alabama. The difference is that it isn't right next to the football stadium and or a mecca for worshippers of a former football coach. I picked up a postcard at the bookstore, which, like every other building on campus, looks like a chapel. The cashier accidentally rung me up for $110 paid. I told her I wouldn't mind the extra change. The visitor's center was really nice. Laura and I picked up a few brochures and a map of the campus and made our way towards Touchdown Jesus, a ridiculously large mural above the library which faces the football stadium. We passed quite a few weird sculptures that "smart" colleges are apparently required to display. We also discovered that their art museum is named after a guy named "Snite". Sounds like some kind of Harry Potter nonsense.
Near the football stadium, a woman asked me for directions to the visitor's center, which I successfully provided; I felt like a real student. Laura indulged me by letting me take some pictures of Jesus and his posse, which was basically the only reason I had wanted to visit the campus. We were a little disappointed at the distance between Jesus and the stadium; it looks so close on TV. Also next to the library was a statue of Moses, which I was later informed is making the sign of a first down.
Next, we walked to the Main Building. Old filings from its gold-plated dome are ground into dust and sprinkled on the football helmets before every home game. Laura thought that was pretty crazy. The Basilica of the Sacred Heart was right next door, so we stopped in for a minute to take some pictures. I think it was pretty much the most beautiful church in which I've ever been. We would have gone behind the pulpit, but some people were having a top-secret ceremony there. All I got was a picture of this big tower thing which probably stores St. Peter's little toe or the head of Knute Rockne.
A little prayer grotto is right next to the basilica. As we walked there, we heard a guide explaining to his tour group that the grotto is filled before football games and exams. Candles were available to light after you pray and a statue of Mary stood in the side of the cave to pray constantly for the football team. On our way out of campus, we looked into a first-floor lobby of one of the dorms. They had a big screen TV and nice couches and trophies. I wanted to wait for someone to open the front door and sneak inside, but Laura wouldn't let me. What a party pooper.
Sadly, I bid the most beautiful campus that $35,000 a year of tuition per student can buy farewell. (I looked up the cost of attendance when I got back to Auburn. Pretty steep.) Laura and I drove to Shipshewana, Indiana, Celine Dion belting out love ballads all the way there. "Holy cow!" I yelled as we passed a field full of bovines. I also got to see an Amish horse-drawn carriage.
We spent a little bit of time talking to her aunt and uncle, with whom we were staying. Then, we drove to nearby Goshen, where we ate at a fancy-schmancy restaurant. Our waitress was so enthusiastic that she was annoying, and all kinds of people whisked away your plates when you finished each course. I don't think I'd ever dirtied so many dishes or silverware in one sitting before that night. The town was relatively small, but it did have a sizeable downtown main street. Two stores, Snyder's and Snider's, were right next to each other. I wondered if they were related and one of them misspelled their own name. Imagine the embarrassment you would experience and the shame you would have to endure from the local Goshenites. We went to the Goshen Theater to see Over the Rhine, a band of which Laura is particularly fond. They put on a really good show, although it was a little loud.
When we returned to Shipshewana, Laura and I stayed up talking for a little while, then went to sleep around midnight. I slept in the basement, which was filled with her aunt's sewing projects and fairly cold. Luckily, I had a bed, which was far more comfortable than the couch in Jason's living room. Since they live in such a small town, Laura's aunt and uncle don't have very high quality water. It smelled like sulfur, actually. Every time I rinsed my hands in the sink I felt like I needed to wash them again. That would have been pretty futile, of course, since I would have ended with another rinse.
Saturday morning, Laura's aunt made us breakfast and we went into town with her to buy some stuff. This one store had just about every flavor of jam imaginable, including hot pepper jam and sassafras jam. I wanted to buy some before we left town, but I forgot. Laura and I rode a carousel at the top of what I'd guess is the tallest building in the whole county. I got to ride a giant rooster. I wish I had pictures of that scene. If we had had time that week, I think I could have successfully ridden some more disproportionately large animals. Laura and I drove back to Michigan State after watching Children of the Damned (starring Christopher Reeve, Kirstie Alley, and Mark Hamill) with her aunt and uncle and going on a walk with their dog Candy. Candy was afraid of me all weekend, even though I fed her about one-hundred Cheerios from my own hand and assured her that I was a "nice guy". When we got back to MSU, Laura discovered a letter from Auburn in her mailbox. She opened it a few minutes later in her apartment and read that she had been accepted to Auburn's vet school. Laura looked about as relieved as possible.
Sunday, Laura and I hung out a little while at her place, then went on a walk around MSU's campus. We fed a group of mallards, and Laura made fun of my duck-feeding abilities. Her criticisms of my throwing style were particularly destructive to my fragile ego. Then, we went to a group of gardens, where only one flower was in bloom. Laura was in flip flops and didn't want to wade through some muddy pools of water, so I picked her up just like Rhett Butler. I've basically solidified my position as Total Studmuffin by this point.
Unfortunately, the fun had to come to an end. Laura dropped me off in the Detroit airport around 2:15 PM ET for my 3:30 PM flight. I looked at the departure screen to make sure my flight was going to be on time. When I found NWA 651, I did a double-take. My flight wasn't just late. My flight was cancelled. I walked over to the check-in counter and explained my situation. "I can put you on standby for a 7:16 departure or book you for 8:58," the woman told me. 8:58 meant I would get to Nashville at 9 PM, which means I would return to Auburn around 3 AM the next morning. "What about Huntsville?" I asked. No luck. Nothing to Atlanta, either. She was just about to book me for the 7:16 standby when I asked her to search Montgomery and Birmingham. Lo and behold, there was a flight leaving for Birmingham at the same time that my previous flight was supposed to depart. So rather than driving to Nashville and back, my brother was able to meet me on the way to school. This is probably one of the very few times when a cancelled flight has been a blessing rather than a curse.
I sat next to an Auburn elementary education major on the way back. She was flying through Detroit from North Carolina, which I thought was a rather roundabout way to get to Birmingham. My brother picked me up around 5 PM that night. I called my parents and grandparents to give them the good news about Laura's admission to Auburn's vet school. When I dropped Stephen off at his dorm, who happened to drive by but Kenton. He was picking up DotCom for dinner, so I joined them for some tasty Moe's. Around 11 PM, I finished unpacking and doing some other post-spring break chores and hit the sack. It had been a long week of fun. I wish it could have lasted even longer.