Here's the scoop. Deer hunting has become one of the sissiest sports in America, and if you don't agree, then you must not have read the rest of this article yet. The problem with the art of "hunting" today is that it lacks the "hunt" part of that word. There is plenty of "ing" going on, but little "hunt." Think about it for just one second. Hunters today sit in tree stands in camoflauge clothing with high-powered rifles with scopes on them. Since when is it hard to kill a deer with these advantages? That's why all these sissy hunteres with their trophy heads of deer are not as cool as they'd like to think.


I hope this sissy reads this article and sets his way straight.

Here's how real men hunt. Get a knife. Cover yourself in mud and leaves so as to blend into your surroundings (see Schwarzenegger in Predator for video instructions). Wait in ambush on a high tree branch over a small pool of water. Better yet, trade the knife for a piece of flint that you sharpened yourself. When you see a deer on a path for the spot directly under your branch, time your jump so as to land on the deer's back. The impact will stun it and allow you to begin stabbing wildly. Jump off and follow the tracks of blood that the deer will leave behind him/her. Then carry the animal home yourself and claim your title as the first real hunter in your hometown.

HINT: Do NOT miss the deer when you jump. If you do, you will probably severely injure yourself.


Arnold could have killed five deer that day.

Don't expect much respect, though. The sissies with the guns aren't up to the challenge, so they'll stick to their old ways and begin to ridicule you. All I know is at least you'll have something to be proud of when it's all said and done.

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