American history: in the history books, it is made out to be some kind of craziness. However, the American Revolution pales in comparison to those of the Mexicans, and, of course, the French. (Other than Napoleon, the French Revolution is the only cool thing about France.) Through this and the other two articles, I shall prove how the Mexican and French Revolutions were about 50,258 times cooler than the American Revolution.

Sticks and stones may tick off British troops, but their muskets will hurt you something fierce!

It started like this: the colonists in North America were ticked. Britain was taxing them from all sides to pay for the brouhaha that had occured versus the French (who lost, as always). The colonists, like most people, didn't like taxes. Some threw snowballs and small pebbles at British soldiers and got shot in the chest with a musket as a result. Some of them, crazies in Boston, threw a bunch of tea into Boston Harbor, including Samuel Adams. Then Britain instituted the so-called "Intolerable Acts" and such. Today, these might be referred to as the "Whack Acts."

Colonists from a few colonies got together to complain. They sent a whiny letter called the "Olive Branch Petition" to King George III which probably had the word "grievances" in it. George III said forget it, and sent troops to the colonies after they sent him the Declaration of Independence. The Declaration of Independence was basically one big plagiarism, "written" by Thomas Jefferson, who copied a lot of it from John Locke and other thinkers.

Crap went down in Lexington and Concorde, which ruled. Then George Washington, who was a mack daddy, crossed over the Deleware and beat up some drunken Hessians (which were like German mercenaries - for hire). He did it at Trenton on Christmas, and a really tight painting was painted to show that he really was that hardcore.

"...are we there yet?"

Things weren't fun and games forever, though. Washington's gang had to go to Valley Forge as a hideout. Bad move, though, because the winter cold made people's limbs fall off. Washington realized that without arms, his men couldn't fight, so they moved on out and somehow ended up pinning the main British army under Cornwallis at Yorktown. Cornwallis had previously been the governor of India. Anyway, the French showed up to help at the last minute with a bunch of warships, but this was just so that they could reap any benefits (just like what they tried to do after Operation Iraqi Freedom).

The U.S. then settled down into a boring revolutionary phase, when all it did was peacefully change its system of government. The only thing close to a riot after the Boston Tea Party was Shays' Rebellion. So basically, the U.S. has a pretty dull beginning. Could've been a lot crazier.