The Lost Porkins

ChitdaVaulter: Phew
titotothelimit: Heh.
ChitdaVaulter: Man
ChitdaVaulter: I just retold the Quest for the Lost Porkins to Tina Bogan.
ChitdaVaulter: I was pleased with the way it turned out.
titotothelimit: Wow, this sounds like an awesome story.
ChitdaVaulter: I think it was.
ChitdaVaulter: Would you care to view it?
titotothelimit: Sure.

Here's where the story begins.

ChitdaVaulter: So did I ever tell you the story of the Quest for the Lost Porkins?
orangeshrimp09: no you didn't
orangeshrimp09: i'd love to hear though
ChitdaVaulter: Alright then.
ChitdaVaulter: Well...
ChitdaVaulter: A short time ago.
ChitdaVaulter: In a neighborhood not to far away...
orangeshrimp09: i like this beginning
ChitdaVaulter: The Council of the High Dorks conviened for a session of the Holy Game.
orangeshrimp09: oh yeah, this is starting out very well
ChitdaVaulter: Thus, when all members had been gathered, it appeared that Porkins was absent.
ChitdaVaulter: This was not too uncommon.
ChitdaVaulter: So a summons was made.
ChitdaVaulter: Upon all of the Lord's mobile communication devices.
ChitdaVaulter: Simaltaneously.
orangeshrimp09: very nice
ChitdaVaulter: Thus is was discovered that Porkins was trapped in the Lair of Ginnie the Despiser.
ChitdaVaulter: And was being enchanted to believe he wanted to be there.
orangeshrimp09: OH NO!
ChitdaVaulter: Thus, a holy crusade of the the High Lords Tibido the Cajun, Brazil the Jew, Harris the Pale, and Lycans the Sneaky, including Emmissary Matt as our crusade driver, was issued forth from the Hold of the Basement.
ChitdaVaulter: And from Emissary Matt's pearlish coach the Quest issued forth with the haste of the West Wind to the aid of Porkins the Hairy.
ChitdaVaulter: Tibido the Cajun and Brazil the Jew navigated in the cab, whilst Harris the Pale and Lycans the Sneaky lay in the flat bed of the white steed.
ChitdaVaulter: Henceforth it was that some digression was made from the Quest, in which The Cajun and The Jew began throwing planting cups out the back at The Pale and The Sneaky.
orangeshrimp09: harsh
ChitdaVaulter: Afterwards charges were brought upon them for Distracting the Driver from his holy duties, and Jackassness in the First degree.
orangeshrimp09: that's sounds just
ChitdaVaulter: However they were both aquitted under terms of extreme duress, on account of the survival of High Lord Porkins (BS agreed High Lords Harris and Lycans), and temporary insanity due to caffiene overdose.
orangeshrimp09: those sneaky bastards
ChitdaVaulter: But anyway, as the Quest progressed, it seemed that Ginnie the Despiser had manipulated Hawkins into giving the Crusaders false direction.
orangeshrimp09: how DARE she!
ChitdaVaulter: Thus bringing the Righteous to the right Realm of the Neighborhood, but the wrong City of the Street.
ChitdaVaulter: Thus many U'turns were taken.
ChitdaVaulter: And much swearing was cursed.
ChitdaVaulter: Until finally the Crusade believed to have the True Path.
ChitdaVaulter: But alas.
ChitdaVaulter: This road was the most dangerous of them all.
orangeshrimp09: oh no!!
ChitdaVaulter: And apparently Emissary Matt didn't know that "Road Closed" meant the road was closed for a good reason.
orangeshrimp09: ha ha ha
orangeshrimp09: oh golly
ChitdaVaulter: Thus speeding along our path with all due haste, the sacred pavement of the way gave out.
ChitdaVaulter: To gravel.
ChitdaVaulter: Then dirt.
ChitdaVaulter: Then 2 foot high dirt bumps.
ChitdaVaulter: In about 2 seconds.
orangeshrimp09: yikes
ChitdaVaulter: Thus the High Lords Harris the Pale and Lycans the Sneaky were almost lost to us.
ChitdaVaulter: But is was not their time.
orangeshrimp09: the gods were watching out for you
ChitdaVaulter: They were saved.
ChitdaVaulter: But with many a scratch.
ChitdaVaulter: Thus it was then agreed that Porkins wasn't worth saving, Matt was an idiot, and Brazil was Jewish.
orangeshrimp09: very nice
orangeshrimp09: i thoroughly enjoyed the conclusion
ChitdaVaulter: And so the quest returned to Basement's Hold.
ChitdaVaulter: And a round of Dr. Pepper was issued.
ChitdaVaulter: And a good time was had by all.
orangeshrimp09: very nice
ChitdaVaulter: In which case it was found that Stuart the Fagbert was found asleep.
ChitdaVaulter: But thats another story...
orangeshrimp09: very nice very nice
orangeshrimp09: very well told
orangeshrimp09: i enjoyed your rhetoric

Here, the story ends.

titotothelimit: Holy goodness.
titotothelimit: That needs to be published somewhere.
titotothelimit: For it is a truly genius work of art.

Dungeons and Dragons makes me want to hurl. Where's the AIM Conversations main page? There's something I can hurl on with satisfaction.